Baby Beans

Some time ago, my stepmother gave me back a couple of my baby dolls that I'd had since I was very small. I don't know what possessed her to do it, just as I don't know what possessed her to take them in the first place.

I'd thought all this time that while I was gone to college, she'd thrown them away with the rest of my stuff. That may be what got me started with this hoarding problem of mine. I came home one weekend to find that she'd decided what I could keep and what she didn't think I should have anymore, and it left me with this awful feeling of loss.

She only did it for meanness. She decided that she'd let her grandchildren tear them apart if they wanted, and it didn't matter that I didn't get to keep one little thing from my childhood.

Now I'm afraid to get rid of much of anything, for fear of that lost feeling. I'm afraid I'm going to miss something and either not know what it was, or not know how to get it back or lose that feeling.

So she gave me two of my beanbag dolls back. She said she'd been keeping them put up for me. I kind of doubt that, but whatever. I was glad to see them again, especially Baby Beans.

Being a puppet, I used to have her talk to me and play with me, and yes, I really did sleep with her in my bed at night for as long as I can remember when I was little.

I'm not entertaining the notion that I'm saving her for my little girl, because the likelihood of that happening is dwindling every day.

But it's nice to see my Baby Beans again. She actually reminds me of what I looked like when I was little, which is good because I don't have any pictures of myself back then. I'm going to make a scrapbook layout with her, but I have to sneak around taking the pictures because she makes Quincy freak out. LOL