Grandfather playing favorites?

I have 3 nephews. One 14 and one 10, my sister's boys. One who's 6, and he's my brother's son. It turns out that when he called to tell my sister he had won the car race, my brother bragged to her about how our father attended it and was right there beside him the whole time. She hasn't even been able to convince him to keep his word to her boys about attending grandfather / grandson dinners at church.

I don't think this is her imagination. I even noticed it this summer when her boys had birthday parties. I don't believe he even showed up for the 14 year old's birthday dinner, which was just for family. For the 10 year old's birthday a few days later, he drove up in the driveway, handed him $10, and left without even coming inside. I was shocked - I hadn't even known he'd been there.

But for the 6 year old's birthday, he was there for the whole thing. He even goes to church with him and school programs for him. He never, and I repeat, NEVER went to church with the two of us when we were little, and he never attended a single church service with the two older boys.

They've noticed. They wonder why their grandfather only attended a couple of the older boy's ballgames (and he quit ... didn't have much encouragement to continue) and never attended any of the younger boy's ballgames that I know of. He didn't even come to watch him play football this year.

I don't understand. I'm sure his excuse will the that he's the court-appointed supervisor when my brother has his son for a visit. But does that mean that he can't, and could never, be allowed to attend his other grandsons' special events?

Well, I remember one time my dad and stepmother came to see me in anything. When I was in the Drama Club play in the 8th grade. And i remember being surprised and thrilled that they came, because I didn't expect them to show up. They never saw me in a Choir concert, and were actually pretty aggravated that I'd signed up for a class that had a few after school performances at the school (and with no special clothing purchase required, might I add). I wasn't allowed to participate in any school sports, band, and I had to commit an act of rebellion to sign up for Drama Club without their permission. They just didn't want to be *bothered* with me for anything. It seemed like it was enough of an imposition on their time for me to need a ride to school and home again.

I guess it would only be fair to say that my mother never came to anything I did either, except my high school and college graduations. How fitting is it that my parents never wanted to be involved with my education, and would only show any support for it when it was over?

Have I really been that troublesome and unloveable?

Could be. But I don't know how to make people love me, or believe me when I say that I'd have several people wrapped around my finger right now, and making me feel loved and happy.

Let's review a list of my school-related shortcomings:

• I made As and Bs - graduated 24th in my class of 243.
• I never was suspended or expelled.
• I never was sent to the office for bad behavior. (Or even fussed at by my teachers for it.)
• My parents were never asked to come to the school for a meeting with any teacher.
• I never got into any fights at school.
• I rarely missed a day of school - I went to school sick from 6th grade on and didn't miss any days in high school for being sick.
• I started babysitting most weekends in the 8th grade and have worked ever since.
• I got my first "real" job 2 months past my 16th birthday. (And I was nagged to hurry up and get a job the second I turned 16, even though I didn't have a vehicle to drive.)
• I wasn't allowed to attend any kind of social activities other than school dances, and it was rare that I got to go to a dance. I think I actually got to attend a total of three in my 4 years of high school. (That's why I don't know how to dance.... the time for learning with all the other kids is long gone.)
• I never drank, smoked, or experimented with any drugs. I wanted to be the good kid, and I was.
• I didn't have a bad reputation at school or around town. In fact, I barely dated because I had to work every weekend and they wouldn't extend my curfew past 10 even when I had to work until 9:15. (And you better believe that on any school night, my curfew was 9:30.)

Put my name on the back of their vehicle on a decal? I doubt they would have done that, even if someone gave them the decal ready-made. For some reason, I just couldn't manage to make them notice me, and I know that I sure couldn't make them proud of me.

The only time I can ever recall my father saying that he was proud of me was long after I received my Master's Degree. It stood out for me that much, that I remembered the moment. And I can tell you that my mother has never said she's proud of me.

I know, I'm supposed to be an adult about it and not let it matter. But it does. It's the most important thing in the world to me. If your own parents give you the feeling that you're more of an inconvenience to them than their child, how can you ever believe that anyone else out there in the world is going to value your existence?

And once you've been soundly reminded that you don't even matter to them, how do you "forget all of it and just go in with your life, and put it out of your mind"? I'd have to say that this is about 50% of my cause for feeling worthless.

The other half is now divided up equally between my job, my complete failure at having a love life, and having been abused when I was little.