Cats Stealing Your Breath?
After getting to a point where I could sleep, I wound up having nightmares for the last 2 1/2 hours I had left to get any rest. It was basically one episode that kept repeating with minor variations. It doesn't take a PhD in Psychology to know what caused the nightmares, either.
I dreamed that I was at work, and I started having trouble breathing. My chest tightened up and I was making these horrible wheezing, gasping sounds trying to get some air back into my lungs and nothing was working. I fell on the ground and I could barely move. I was trying to tell the other teachers that I needed help, and I couldn't breath, but they mainly ignored me. Apparently one of the students was annoyed that I kept begging for help, because the assistant principal came in and said he was going to jam this needle into my heart and give me a shot of adrenaline. Not being a medical professional, his coming at me with a huge needle absolutely terrified me and I wouldn't let him do it. All I could manage to say was "No! That would kill me!"
At some point the alarm clock started going off and in my semi-awake state, I started wondering about the dream. My first thought was that I must have had the dream because the cat was sitting on my chest while I was sleeping, and it made me struggle to breathe. Then after a second, it hit me.
I don't have a cat. I've never had a cat. Strange that I would wake up thinking that I did, huh?
Now I'm beginning to think that I must have had some kind of panic attack in my sleep, because I woke up incredibly physically tired and out of breath. Given my history of sleepwalking and talking in my sleep, while having vivid dreams of the situation being reality, it wouldn't surprise me to know that I really was having a hard time breathing. I don't smoke, and I'm not sick, so why else would I be having trouble breathing and dreaming that nobody would help me?
I really do feel that there is nobody at work who can or will really help me, and I don't mean that as a slight to my close co-workers. It's just that I know they have more important concerns in their lives than thinking very much about how I'm doing. I'm not even important to myself, so I definitely don't expect anyone else to think any more of me.
I absolutely HATE that even on my own laptop, I can’t do my own writing assignment while my students are doing the same. Why? Because even on my own laptop, the stupid state department of education won’t allow me access to where I post my writing. I don’t know why they block entire domains when they need to be looking at individual websites. There’s not an ugly word on my blogger, and I can’t write to it. However, there area plenty of websites with all sorts of pornographic content that students have easy access to on school computers!!! Where is the logic in that?
Well, I can’t remember what I was writing about before, so I can’t continue now…. Thus defeating the purpose of the whole writing assignment, and them seeing that their teacher is writing too.
Once again, we’ve had drama at lunch. I can’t ever have a full class period to work with them because I’m constantly having to spend time soothing their overdramatic little hearts. Much ado about nothing indeed.
The student who came back from Alternative School and got put into my worst class, causing tons more problems is now being moved back to her original schedule. Either the counselor has just now gotten time to deal with the issue (which I believe is very likely - she always has too much on her plate - from my perspective she is incredibly overworked) or someone else complained about her behavior and they are the one being heeded. It took 4 weeks, though she’s caused problems from day 1 back in my class. She must have insulted an administrator.
I’ve been told by a non-teacher that it sounds like I’m letting them get to me. And he’s right. This whole situation is driving me to distraction. I’m spending every waking moment thinking about my job, and there’s not a positive thought in the whole day. One kid asked me yesterday if we were allowed to wear jeans and shorts when we aren’t working. What do they think, that we’re the property of the school system and that they have the right to tell us what to do when we aren’t at work? I know that the parents and the students think that we’re supposed to be treated like their slaves, and do whatever ridiculous thing that they demand, but the day that happens is the day I’ll publicly tell them all off and quit my job forever.
I hate that there’s never anything good to tell him about my job, because it makes me sound like an absolute whiner all of the time. But I can’t lie and make up good things about it. Considering that I have absolutely nothing in my life except my job and playing Warcraft in my spare time, what could I possibly have to talk about that he’d find interesting anyway? I wish that I could go home and have somebody to talk to… the fact that there is nobody to talk to is a major reason I haven’t got good stuff to talk about. I wouldn’t go home and complain… I’d carry on actual conversations. It’s rare that I just get to have a conversation with anyone. The only people to talk to are the ones at work, and that’s always … about work. I think it would be pretty nice to have someone to watch a movie with, and then talk about what was good or bad about the movie. It really looks like I’m never going to get that chance.
Last class period (the middle one of the day) I suddenly got really dizzy, and the room literally started to spin. 25 minutes later, the room is still spinning. I’m not sure if it’s a case of vertigo-type stuff, or if I’m on the verge of passing out, but it’s pretty unsettling, considering the dream that I had last night. I wonder if all the oxygen I was deprived of is starting to show a result this afternoon.
I dreamed that I was at work, and I started having trouble breathing. My chest tightened up and I was making these horrible wheezing, gasping sounds trying to get some air back into my lungs and nothing was working. I fell on the ground and I could barely move. I was trying to tell the other teachers that I needed help, and I couldn't breath, but they mainly ignored me. Apparently one of the students was annoyed that I kept begging for help, because the assistant principal came in and said he was going to jam this needle into my heart and give me a shot of adrenaline. Not being a medical professional, his coming at me with a huge needle absolutely terrified me and I wouldn't let him do it. All I could manage to say was "No! That would kill me!"
At some point the alarm clock started going off and in my semi-awake state, I started wondering about the dream. My first thought was that I must have had the dream because the cat was sitting on my chest while I was sleeping, and it made me struggle to breathe. Then after a second, it hit me.
I don't have a cat. I've never had a cat. Strange that I would wake up thinking that I did, huh?
Now I'm beginning to think that I must have had some kind of panic attack in my sleep, because I woke up incredibly physically tired and out of breath. Given my history of sleepwalking and talking in my sleep, while having vivid dreams of the situation being reality, it wouldn't surprise me to know that I really was having a hard time breathing. I don't smoke, and I'm not sick, so why else would I be having trouble breathing and dreaming that nobody would help me?
I really do feel that there is nobody at work who can or will really help me, and I don't mean that as a slight to my close co-workers. It's just that I know they have more important concerns in their lives than thinking very much about how I'm doing. I'm not even important to myself, so I definitely don't expect anyone else to think any more of me.
I absolutely HATE that even on my own laptop, I can’t do my own writing assignment while my students are doing the same. Why? Because even on my own laptop, the stupid state department of education won’t allow me access to where I post my writing. I don’t know why they block entire domains when they need to be looking at individual websites. There’s not an ugly word on my blogger, and I can’t write to it. However, there area plenty of websites with all sorts of pornographic content that students have easy access to on school computers!!! Where is the logic in that?
Well, I can’t remember what I was writing about before, so I can’t continue now…. Thus defeating the purpose of the whole writing assignment, and them seeing that their teacher is writing too.
Once again, we’ve had drama at lunch. I can’t ever have a full class period to work with them because I’m constantly having to spend time soothing their overdramatic little hearts. Much ado about nothing indeed.
The student who came back from Alternative School and got put into my worst class, causing tons more problems is now being moved back to her original schedule. Either the counselor has just now gotten time to deal with the issue (which I believe is very likely - she always has too much on her plate - from my perspective she is incredibly overworked) or someone else complained about her behavior and they are the one being heeded. It took 4 weeks, though she’s caused problems from day 1 back in my class. She must have insulted an administrator.
I’ve been told by a non-teacher that it sounds like I’m letting them get to me. And he’s right. This whole situation is driving me to distraction. I’m spending every waking moment thinking about my job, and there’s not a positive thought in the whole day. One kid asked me yesterday if we were allowed to wear jeans and shorts when we aren’t working. What do they think, that we’re the property of the school system and that they have the right to tell us what to do when we aren’t at work? I know that the parents and the students think that we’re supposed to be treated like their slaves, and do whatever ridiculous thing that they demand, but the day that happens is the day I’ll publicly tell them all off and quit my job forever.
I hate that there’s never anything good to tell him about my job, because it makes me sound like an absolute whiner all of the time. But I can’t lie and make up good things about it. Considering that I have absolutely nothing in my life except my job and playing Warcraft in my spare time, what could I possibly have to talk about that he’d find interesting anyway? I wish that I could go home and have somebody to talk to… the fact that there is nobody to talk to is a major reason I haven’t got good stuff to talk about. I wouldn’t go home and complain… I’d carry on actual conversations. It’s rare that I just get to have a conversation with anyone. The only people to talk to are the ones at work, and that’s always … about work. I think it would be pretty nice to have someone to watch a movie with, and then talk about what was good or bad about the movie. It really looks like I’m never going to get that chance.
Last class period (the middle one of the day) I suddenly got really dizzy, and the room literally started to spin. 25 minutes later, the room is still spinning. I’m not sure if it’s a case of vertigo-type stuff, or if I’m on the verge of passing out, but it’s pretty unsettling, considering the dream that I had last night. I wonder if all the oxygen I was deprived of is starting to show a result this afternoon.
posted by Me at 9:27 AM
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