Cookbook Thief
Okay, so he wasn't trying to steal my cookbooks, but I'm telling you, I could just see it in my brother's eyes yesterday -- he was waiting on me to offer them to him.
Every time my brother / father / nephew come over together, they throw their cigarette butts all over my yard, driveway, and patio. They use my bathroom (sometimes that's the only reason they stop by - use of my toilet, and then they're gone) and leave the seat up. I suppose it never occurred to any man that doing that for their own convenience is pretty damned inconsiderate when you are visiting a house in which there is only a female living. Personally, every time I see a toilet seat up, it disgusts me because I don't want to look at the underside of even a clean toilet seat, and I know they didn't bother flushing. I always put the lid and the seat DOWN in my house. That's fair to everyone. It leaves me a place to sit if I need to. That's why I put a lid cover on the damn thing. And it keeps my puppy, who's too curious about the water in the toilet, safe.
Then my brother helps himself to my cookbook shelves and spends the whole time going through them, instead of actually visiting.
The thing you have to understand about my brother (and don't get me wrong, I love him, flaws and all -- just like I hope I'm loved despite my family's view that I'm weird, not to mention probably more flawed than any of them) is his seeming belief that once he's kept one of your belongings long enough, it becomes his by default. And you can keep asking him for the item back, but there will always be a reason for him to keep holding on to it. Oh, and if you do manage to convince him to relinquish his hold, you have to pick it up. He'll be incredibly pissed off at your nerve for being an indian giver. And that's after you delivered the item for him to borrow in the first place.
Case in point: a cookbook of my stepmother's. Her only cookbook / manual to our microwave, which had many good recipes not found anywhere else. He wanted to borrow it long enough to copy a recipe (years ago before any of us had a computer or easy access to a copy machine) and never brought it back. I kept asking nicely for him to return it for about a year, and finally I got mad and demanded he bring it back.
He got mad and said, "Well, I thought you were giving it to me to keep." As if I'd give him something that wasn't even mine to give???? It was bad enough that I let him borrow it in the first place.
After a few more times of having to forcibly retrieve my stuff from an angry brother, I stopped letting him "borrow" my stuff. He thinks that anything he borrows is his gift.
Well, you know that saying. Don't loan anything out that you really need to have back. (Don't misunderstand... this is only about my brother.) He and Dad were even discussing the cookbooks (something I actually collect) and it sounded like they were trying to work out a way for him to take the cookbooks home. Dad said that he could even scan what he needed and print them all off on my printer. Then both of them seemed mad that my scanner wasn't working. Well, it really isn't. The AC adapter has to be replaced - no juice. I was surprised Dad didn't remember that he was the one who tested the thing and told me it needed replacing.
Being the bitch that both of them have called me at times (think I'll ever forgive that? Not a chance) I didn't offer any help. I didn't even offer a sheet of paper and pen to copy the recipes he wanted off by hand. I did tell him that one of the cookbooks was at WalMart now. LOL Dad asked him how much they were - why, I don't know. Probably so he could buy any of them my brother wanted.
Dad's been supporting my brother ever since he lost his job because he lied about why he was in jail for a weekend. (internet underage dating thing) I'm pretty sure that he got a big chunk of money out of the settlement not too long ago, but at the same time my "poor" brother "you don't know how hard he's had it" probably has never offered to repay our father for all of the house, truck, new tools, and electronics payments he made for him in the meantime. It's not like Dad has any money coming in - he's been retired for years now and is living off his savings.
I guess my brother should be happy. A few years ago he whined that Dad is "spending our inheritance!" when he buys stuff like property at the lake, Sea-Doos, and so forth. The way I see it is that Dad is spending HIS OWN money he worked his ass off all his life for, and let him spend it however he wants to. I don't think that we're entitled to an inheritance, and most especially not if it means that Dad continues to do without to make a bunch of spoiled children happy. Let him make himself happy for a change, huh? But anyway, I digress. I think that my brother should be happy that "his inheritance" is being spent right now, all on him. Whatever might be left when Dad dies will still be divided three ways, and that won't be much, considering all the money he had to fork out to keep my brother from losing his house and vehicle.
For example - my bedroom suite. Dad told me when he bought it for my room that it was mine to take when I moved out. Then it turned into "you can buy it from me for $1000" which was about what it cost new anyway. Now it's "Well, I thought you didn't want it anyway. Why not let your brother have it?" My brother has a nearly new, very expensive bedroom suite in his own house already.
So I guess you could say that I'm a little bitter that I was "given" something for the first time in my life, then told I had to pay for it during a time when I was struggling just to pay rent, then told it had been given to my brother who is too good to take just any old job to pay the bills.
The furniture in my bedroom now is the same rickety junk that was in my room when I was 13. It wasn't new for me either.
I guess when you're the only kid in the family to not ask repeatedly for money even after getting married, you're expected to pull your own weight and everyone else's too. I won't tell them that I have a big chunk of money in the bank (well, it seems big to me), because then I would have to figure out a nice way to tell them, no, I'm not loaning you any money. Not for a week, not for a month.
It was tough getting my sister to stop "borrowing" money from me years ago. The problem was that I felt bad because they were having such a hard time making ends meet, and I would always offer to help. It never occurred to me that they had financial problems because they were spendthrifts. If a new TV or game system came out, they bought it. I went without a TV for about a year because the old one I'd been given played out, and I couldn't afford to buy one.
Yeah, it kinda ticks me off to remember that my father has always made excuses for my siblings, saying "Poor -------, you just don't know how hard they have it." Hell, nobody ever cared to think about how hard I was having it myself. Single woman, paying ALL bills herself, and definitely underpaid. Nobody helped me. Nobody helped me come up with any money to buy this house, either, other than the bank. It came directly from me.
Hell, give them all the money they ask you for if that's what you want. Just don't come to me and plead about how pitiful and downtrodden they are, when they stomped on themselves to begin with. What little I have is mine by my own hard work and sacrifice. I never hear anybody say, "Poor ____. She's never really had anything or even anyone who really cared about her. She's always been alone. It's no wonder she's been depressed for the past 15 years." It's more along the lines of, "It's your own fault you're alone. You're depressed? Well just cheer up then. That'll fix it. (Anybody else hear how utterly STUPID it is to say that?) You've always had a bad attitude. You're weird. You're fat. You're ugly - it's no wonder nobody wants you."
Every time my brother / father / nephew come over together, they throw their cigarette butts all over my yard, driveway, and patio. They use my bathroom (sometimes that's the only reason they stop by - use of my toilet, and then they're gone) and leave the seat up. I suppose it never occurred to any man that doing that for their own convenience is pretty damned inconsiderate when you are visiting a house in which there is only a female living. Personally, every time I see a toilet seat up, it disgusts me because I don't want to look at the underside of even a clean toilet seat, and I know they didn't bother flushing. I always put the lid and the seat DOWN in my house. That's fair to everyone. It leaves me a place to sit if I need to. That's why I put a lid cover on the damn thing. And it keeps my puppy, who's too curious about the water in the toilet, safe.
Then my brother helps himself to my cookbook shelves and spends the whole time going through them, instead of actually visiting.
The thing you have to understand about my brother (and don't get me wrong, I love him, flaws and all -- just like I hope I'm loved despite my family's view that I'm weird, not to mention probably more flawed than any of them) is his seeming belief that once he's kept one of your belongings long enough, it becomes his by default. And you can keep asking him for the item back, but there will always be a reason for him to keep holding on to it. Oh, and if you do manage to convince him to relinquish his hold, you have to pick it up. He'll be incredibly pissed off at your nerve for being an indian giver. And that's after you delivered the item for him to borrow in the first place.
Case in point: a cookbook of my stepmother's. Her only cookbook / manual to our microwave, which had many good recipes not found anywhere else. He wanted to borrow it long enough to copy a recipe (years ago before any of us had a computer or easy access to a copy machine) and never brought it back. I kept asking nicely for him to return it for about a year, and finally I got mad and demanded he bring it back.
He got mad and said, "Well, I thought you were giving it to me to keep." As if I'd give him something that wasn't even mine to give???? It was bad enough that I let him borrow it in the first place.
After a few more times of having to forcibly retrieve my stuff from an angry brother, I stopped letting him "borrow" my stuff. He thinks that anything he borrows is his gift.
Well, you know that saying. Don't loan anything out that you really need to have back. (Don't misunderstand... this is only about my brother.) He and Dad were even discussing the cookbooks (something I actually collect) and it sounded like they were trying to work out a way for him to take the cookbooks home. Dad said that he could even scan what he needed and print them all off on my printer. Then both of them seemed mad that my scanner wasn't working. Well, it really isn't. The AC adapter has to be replaced - no juice. I was surprised Dad didn't remember that he was the one who tested the thing and told me it needed replacing.
Being the bitch that both of them have called me at times (think I'll ever forgive that? Not a chance) I didn't offer any help. I didn't even offer a sheet of paper and pen to copy the recipes he wanted off by hand. I did tell him that one of the cookbooks was at WalMart now. LOL Dad asked him how much they were - why, I don't know. Probably so he could buy any of them my brother wanted.
Dad's been supporting my brother ever since he lost his job because he lied about why he was in jail for a weekend. (internet underage dating thing) I'm pretty sure that he got a big chunk of money out of the settlement not too long ago, but at the same time my "poor" brother "you don't know how hard he's had it" probably has never offered to repay our father for all of the house, truck, new tools, and electronics payments he made for him in the meantime. It's not like Dad has any money coming in - he's been retired for years now and is living off his savings.
I guess my brother should be happy. A few years ago he whined that Dad is "spending our inheritance!" when he buys stuff like property at the lake, Sea-Doos, and so forth. The way I see it is that Dad is spending HIS OWN money he worked his ass off all his life for, and let him spend it however he wants to. I don't think that we're entitled to an inheritance, and most especially not if it means that Dad continues to do without to make a bunch of spoiled children happy. Let him make himself happy for a change, huh? But anyway, I digress. I think that my brother should be happy that "his inheritance" is being spent right now, all on him. Whatever might be left when Dad dies will still be divided three ways, and that won't be much, considering all the money he had to fork out to keep my brother from losing his house and vehicle.
For example - my bedroom suite. Dad told me when he bought it for my room that it was mine to take when I moved out. Then it turned into "you can buy it from me for $1000" which was about what it cost new anyway. Now it's "Well, I thought you didn't want it anyway. Why not let your brother have it?" My brother has a nearly new, very expensive bedroom suite in his own house already.
So I guess you could say that I'm a little bitter that I was "given" something for the first time in my life, then told I had to pay for it during a time when I was struggling just to pay rent, then told it had been given to my brother who is too good to take just any old job to pay the bills.
The furniture in my bedroom now is the same rickety junk that was in my room when I was 13. It wasn't new for me either.
I guess when you're the only kid in the family to not ask repeatedly for money even after getting married, you're expected to pull your own weight and everyone else's too. I won't tell them that I have a big chunk of money in the bank (well, it seems big to me), because then I would have to figure out a nice way to tell them, no, I'm not loaning you any money. Not for a week, not for a month.
It was tough getting my sister to stop "borrowing" money from me years ago. The problem was that I felt bad because they were having such a hard time making ends meet, and I would always offer to help. It never occurred to me that they had financial problems because they were spendthrifts. If a new TV or game system came out, they bought it. I went without a TV for about a year because the old one I'd been given played out, and I couldn't afford to buy one.
Yeah, it kinda ticks me off to remember that my father has always made excuses for my siblings, saying "Poor -------, you just don't know how hard they have it." Hell, nobody ever cared to think about how hard I was having it myself. Single woman, paying ALL bills herself, and definitely underpaid. Nobody helped me. Nobody helped me come up with any money to buy this house, either, other than the bank. It came directly from me.
Hell, give them all the money they ask you for if that's what you want. Just don't come to me and plead about how pitiful and downtrodden they are, when they stomped on themselves to begin with. What little I have is mine by my own hard work and sacrifice. I never hear anybody say, "Poor ____. She's never really had anything or even anyone who really cared about her. She's always been alone. It's no wonder she's been depressed for the past 15 years." It's more along the lines of, "It's your own fault you're alone. You're depressed? Well just cheer up then. That'll fix it. (Anybody else hear how utterly STUPID it is to say that?) You've always had a bad attitude. You're weird. You're fat. You're ugly - it's no wonder nobody wants you."
Labels: cookbook, family, inheritance, men
posted by Me at 2:21 PM
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