Cleaning and found...

The last email I got from Thomas, and it makes me feel as bad now as it did 5 years ago when he sent it and basically said, "I'm dying, I don't want to have anything to do with you, and that's why I kept standing you up. "

Most women would get the message after the first time, but oh no, not me, Ms. Give-them-the-benefit-of-the-doubt. Looking back, I can see that I was in love with the bastard, but of course that didn't matter to him. Does it ever matter to any of them? I'm pretty sure it doesn't, at least if I'm the one in question.

He said he didn't want to get involved and then die on me, the "I'm doing you a favor" excuse. And of course, the last time I talked to him on the phone, he said he'd met someone and she was there.

Yet another example of me being absolutely, utterly stupid. I believe the words "in denial" applied to me pretty well at that point. It's probably why now I won't trust anyone.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's not to get attached to people. People will always hurt and disappoint you and they won't be in your life for very long anyway.

And Thomas Embrey, if you ever come across this, just know that even though several years have passed, I still think you're a monster for what you did to me.