A little disappointed, but not surprised
Last night I asked the man that I've been seeing if he was going to do anything for my birthday. I've known him since I was 14, and he hasn't yet, so why would he now, of course.
I didn't really expect him to say that he was planning anything for me, not even a small token of affection for me. After all, I suspect that he's driven by no affection whatsoever, just the usual male motivations.
We were chatting online at the time, and you should have seen how he dodged the question. I knew he would, just as well as I knew he wouldn't bother with anything as insignificant to him as my birthday. That is not a whiny complaint; it's just a cold hard fact that doesn't even make me tearful.
First he changed the subject... then he just stopped talking, thinking I'd give it up. I just wanted him to admit that he didn't care enough to do anything... I'd feel surprised if he deigned to send me an email containing his "sentiments" when the day comes.
I wouldn't let him off the hook. I commented on his dodge. He pretended he didn't know anything about the question I'd asked. LOL So I asked it again. Then he gave me this stupid "huuuuuh?" act.
So I told him... "Just say no." I guess I wanted to show him that I knew he was being an absolute dog about the whole thing. He acts like the smallest gesture is too much to ask. Not even a birthday card.
I feel as if I should stop talking to him until he speaks first. I deserve to be treated better than this, or so people tell me. Do I?
Maybe it's just that the smallest gesture for me is too much to ask. I've been feeling that way for about 20 years now, so I might as well admit my suspicions, though I'm actually doing it so dispassionately that I'm quite proud of my ability to be so coldhearted to myself. Save everyone else the trouble and expect the worst, because that's always what I get anyway.
Oh, it's probably too late for me to find happiness with anyone anyway. Deep down I'd always be wondering how much time is left before he leaves.
I didn't really expect him to say that he was planning anything for me, not even a small token of affection for me. After all, I suspect that he's driven by no affection whatsoever, just the usual male motivations.
We were chatting online at the time, and you should have seen how he dodged the question. I knew he would, just as well as I knew he wouldn't bother with anything as insignificant to him as my birthday. That is not a whiny complaint; it's just a cold hard fact that doesn't even make me tearful.
First he changed the subject... then he just stopped talking, thinking I'd give it up. I just wanted him to admit that he didn't care enough to do anything... I'd feel surprised if he deigned to send me an email containing his "sentiments" when the day comes.
I wouldn't let him off the hook. I commented on his dodge. He pretended he didn't know anything about the question I'd asked. LOL So I asked it again. Then he gave me this stupid "huuuuuh?" act.
So I told him... "Just say no." I guess I wanted to show him that I knew he was being an absolute dog about the whole thing. He acts like the smallest gesture is too much to ask. Not even a birthday card.
I feel as if I should stop talking to him until he speaks first. I deserve to be treated better than this, or so people tell me. Do I?
Maybe it's just that the smallest gesture for me is too much to ask. I've been feeling that way for about 20 years now, so I might as well admit my suspicions, though I'm actually doing it so dispassionately that I'm quite proud of my ability to be so coldhearted to myself. Save everyone else the trouble and expect the worst, because that's always what I get anyway.
Oh, it's probably too late for me to find happiness with anyone anyway. Deep down I'd always be wondering how much time is left before he leaves.
posted by Me at 9:30 PM
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